The triggering of abandonment runs deep. Deeper than I thought I knew. It begins long before, lifetimes ago, as a little baby girl, born and given back in the mountains so cold. Laid between 2 stones, to keep warm and stop the cries, as the mother walks away, leaving her for the God that she denies.
It begins many times, more than I knew. As it happens many lifetimes that I have tried to live, ended in torture, and murder and ends with being chosen over by other mistresses, or lovers, or wonders. It ended with being a woman without the acceptance of being of goodness. It became the pattern of living within a world that does not love a woman within the wonder of the union.
when all of these happening had happened to try to gather the darkness that this world does hide. When all of the darkness is sent to a girl, a wonder of all, but not to the one who gave birth. While this one did not bury the girl deep on the woods, she did deny her the love that comes with being a woman with her girl, and not a woman with only a son.
And this was the life that I have, the one that I am trying to overcome. My triggers of abandonment start long ago, another time, and the beginning of this one. It runs deep in my core, the one that I am trying to remain as I know that I am. The pain I carry is one of many. And I have the plan to heal and clear for all that I can heal and clear, including me.
Without my pain, without my abandonment, without my unworthy of being loved, I can not heal for everyone. Yes you are my monkeys, and you are my circus.
Keep them close. The mothers of the universe.
Quan Yin
Ama
Shakti
are only a few.
Goddess above, more ancient than I can know
Send me your love.
Send my your healing and keep this feeling of unloved from resurfacing
Transform to a place of utmost power
One of Keeping the faith for the one that will always be my love
No matter what he does or doesnt do.
It is only with this upset that I can see the abandonment issues deep inside of me.